A friend once asked me, “sebenernya orang gay itu bisa disembuhin ngga?”
I had initially responded with a hurricane of defending arguments; why should we ‘cure’ homosexuality in the first place? As if it’s an unwanted disease that needs to be rid of quickly? Homosexuality isn’t something ‘wrong’; it’s just another alternative on the sexual orientation column. Sexual orientation is like flavor preference; some people like chocolate, while others like vanilla. If you liked vanilla, would you say that someone who likes chocolate is ‘wrong’, and that they need to be cured? We should just leave the homosexually-oriented be and we shouldn’t try to ‘cure’ them.
This happened to me about a year ago, and since then I never really gave the occurrence much thought. But during our third Sexual Behavior class, in which we discussed sexual orientation and consequently homosexuality, I was reminded of my friend’s question, and my own answer to it. And I realized that my opinion has changed.
Though the attitude towards homosexuality is relatively warmer and more accepting compared to previous times, in many parts of the world homosexuality is still viewed as a sin. This is, evidently, still the dominant opinion in our country, in which homosexuality is at the very least seen as a negative abnormality, if not as extreme as a sin. The general attitude towards homosexuality that I’ve personally witnessed amongst my peers is one of disgust.
Yet the fact of the matter is, there is now an increase in the number of people who are homosexually-oriented. Or perhaps, there isn’t an increase in the number of occurrence, but rather an increase in the number of homosexuals who now openly admit or express their sexual orientation. Maybe you even know someone who is openly gay or a lesbian, or perhaps you suspect someone is ‘in the closet’ (ie. hiding their homosexuality), or even unaware of or unaccepting of their homosexuality.
So what should we do with those who tick the ‘homosexual’ box in the sexual orientation column? Should we ‘cure’ them of their homosexuality and turn them into ‘normal’ heterosexuals? Should we ostracize them from our family and social circles? Should we leave them alone?
How about we support them? Support their views and attitudes. Support them through whatever hardships they’re going through. And by ‘supporting people who are homosexually-oriented’ I don’t mean we should go around waving banners and yelling ‘SUPPORT THE GAYS! LOVE THE LESBIANS!” around the city (one because it’s obnoxious, and two because you’d probably get beaten up by the more ‘traditional-minded’ citizens). I mean that we should approach any homosexual person as an individual and ask them how they personally feel about being gay or a lesbian.
A portion of homosexuals, especially those who live in more open-minded cultures, are open and proud of their sexual orientation. They are happy with who they are, and wouldn’t have it any other way. Another portion are scared and ashamed of being attracted to their own gender, but don’t feel like they can change who they love, and are scared of people rejecting them for who they are. Another portion are mortified of being homosexually-oriented, feel extremely uncomfortable with their sexual orientation, and want to ‘cure’ themselves of it.
With these differing personal attitudes homosexuals have about their own sexual orientation, I realized that I was mistaken in my initial stand, and that clearly it wouldn’t be wise to advocate one singular act as a way to ‘deal’ with all of them. We can’t just ‘leave everyone alone’ or ‘try to cure everyone’. We can’t tell those who are happy with who they are to change. On the other hand, we can’t force someone who is deeply unhappy with themselves to just forget about it; love who you are and just be happy.
Each individual is unique, with their own set of values, beliefs, opinions, and attitudes. I believe it is best that we approach anyone who is homosexually-oriented with the question; how do you feel about being gay? If they tell you they feel great! It’s awesome! They’ve totally embraced it, and are just fine with who they are, then the best you can do is to support them in their pride. Support them in their happiness. Smile along with them.
If they tell you they are terrified of people rejecting them when they find out the truth about their sexual orientation, let them know that you won’t abandon them. Give them the courage they need to embrace who they really are; help them fight their fears. Let them know that you accept and love them for who they are, and that they’ll have your support through times of fear and uncertainty.
If they tell you that they are deeply ashamed of being a homosexual, are deeply unhappy and wish to change their sexual orientation, help them through whatever process of change they need to undergo in order to be happy and love themselves. The truth is, not all who are homosexually-oriented want to be. Some homosexuals feel profoundly distressed over their sexual orientation, and do not feel that they will ever be happy as a homosexual. When meeting those with this attitude, we can’t simply tell them to “accept who you are” or “be proud of who you are” or “don’t try to change". Because who they are might be killing them from the inside. Whatever reasons they may have to cause despair over being homosexually-oriented, it is only right that we support whatever decision they make in order to find their happiness. If that decision is to seek help to change their sexual-orientation and ‘cure’ their homosexuality, then who are we to stop them and tell them to “let it be”?
Because at the end of the day, who are you to get in the way of anyone’s happiness, regardless of their sexual-orientation? I believe that if you truly love and care for someone, you would fight for their happiness and well-being, and support and help them as best as you can in their search for and attainment of happiness, whatever decisions and path they may choose. Because their path may be a frightening one. And they’ll need you to walk alongside them.
2 Maret 2014
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