What is Sexy? (Maria Theresia)

What attracts us to another person?



Our 4th week of Sexual Behavior class explored this question over a one-hour documentary titled “The Science of Sex Appeal”. From beautiful faces to social status and income, the programme explained various aspects of what makes a person attractive (and consequently, what doesn’t).


First off, was the obvious physicality. Research showed, the perfectly articulate narrator says, that people are more attracted towards a symmetrical face, a face that fits the ‘golden ratio’, and sexy bodies. Evolution theory explains that what attracts us physically to others are essentially what signals to us that the other person is healthy, ready to reproduce, and/or helps to increase our chances of survival (i.e. able to help provide us with a good life). What we determine to be sexy is basically what cavemen and cavewomen learned are the best indicators that a potential partner will increase their chances of survival.


We all hope to live a long-healthy life with our special someone, and though we vow “in sickness and in health”, we’re all really hoping it won’t come to the “in sickness” part. So naturally we’d look for a partner who is as fit as they come. A symmetrical face and faces that conform to the ‘golden ratio’ hints at good genes and good health. Hence, beautiful / handsome faces = sexy.


Men will look for females who are ready to reproduce and continue the family line. A female body commonly defined as sexy, with its healthy proportion, slim waist, wide hips, and full breasts, are seen as signals that the woman is ready to reproduce. Hence, voluptuous curves and a narrow waist = sexy.


Females are looking for someone to bring home the meat and protect themselves and their children from a saber-toothed tiger attack. A male’s body is often deemed sexy when it consists of strong, broad shoulders, defined (but not crazy-bulgy) muscles, and also healthy proportions; all indications that he is a healthy potential partner, and able to protect us from danger. Hence height, manly shoulders, and ash-board abs = sexy.


Other biological things contribute to sex appeal, too. Like a rich, velvety voice, or a good body musk. Females even grow more attractive during the stage in their menstrual cycle when they are ovulating. The documentary didn’t actually explain why, but I’ve actually noticed myself that this tends to be true (in that the week before my menses is usually the time period when I’m more likely to look at myself in the mirror and think ‘damn I look good today’ instead of ‘who is this train-wreck staring back at me’) and have thought up a theory that when girls ovulate, our bodies are basically doing its best to attract a mate so that they’ll approach us and we can sexually reproduce. Basically, our bodies is doing its best to get laid. (Ladies, I now suggest scheduling your prowling-for-guys days to coincide with your ovulation days.)

But a rockin' bod or a beautiful face isn't all that makes you attractive. Like it or not, there is a matter of job income and social status. An interesting (and humorous) section of the programme showed an experiment where female passers-by were asked to rate a few men's attractiveness based on their photos and information about their occupation. Men who were initially rated as handsome received lower attractiveness ratings when revealed to be holding lowly jobs with small wages. Men who were initially rated as average or below-average physically were given much higher attractiveness ratings when revealed to be occupying high occupational status. Like it or not, admit it or won't, wealth does hold an appeal. Money and a respectable social status, it seems, is sexy.

Now, I'm not one to condone choosing a partner solely on the basis of their net worth or bank account. But I also wouldn't look down on someone who does, either. There seems to be a negative stereotype against anyone who chooses to be with someone based on their wealth. Girls are usually the unfortunate receiver of the 'cewek matre' label. We've all been there; we see a beautiful girl/woman out with a not-so-good-looking guy/man who's wearing designer shoes and watches and we think "oh, she only likes him for his money." And this thought is usually colored with disdain, or toned with condescending dismissal.

But it's the cold-truth that we need money to survive in this world. And it's also the painful truth that not all of us are able to provide for ourselves. Hard luck or unfortunate circumstances can render the smartest, most capable of us to remain in the 'rags' part of society with little comfort. So what's wrong with wanting a better life, or nicer things, and choosing a partner that can help you live a more comfortable life? Some may say that it's shallow, but others can argue that it's a basic survival decision. And when it comes to survival, they say, "you gotta do what you gotta do." And there's no shame in it.

It's not only someone's physical appeal or only someone's wealth and social status that attracts us to them. Both aspects would factor in in our perception of a person's attractiveness. But it was only after class was over that I realized the programme hadn't mentioned anything about intelligence. Or humor. Or motivation, a certain drive or passion. Or kindness. Those things, I think, are sexy. A guy who can discuss textbook theories or debate over current issues or share opinions about art? That's a sexy guy. A guy who can make you laugh, from a chuckle to a real laugh where you're crying or your back or stomach starts to ache; that's a foxy dude. A guy with a passion and drive for whatever it may be that he truly gets excited about and loves; that's a hot man (because have you noticed how everyone just instantly becomes sexier whenever they're doing what they're best at?) And a guy with a good heart, who may not be the reincarnation of Jesus or anything but looks out for others, is willing to help those in need, and cares for his friends and family? That's the best kind of sexy. (And from a personal side view, may I also add that chivalry is panty-dropping sexy.)

I suppose in the end, then, there really is no definitive answer for 'what is sexy'. It comes down to personal preferences, and whatever rocks your boat. Just keep in mind that in choosing a special someone, don't judge them solely on good-looks or a thick wallet. Rather, chose the one you can build a great future with. The one who makes you want to be the best possible person, and helps you to get there. The one who might annoy or get you riled up at times, but in the end can still put a smile on your face. Choose the one who makes you happy.

10 Mar 2014