Let's Talk (Fitria Nugraha)

In this second post I’m going to talk about marriage and divorce. Last week when I learn that the topic was about divorce, the first thing that comes up to my mind was an Iranian movie which won an Oscar for Best Foreign Movie in 2011 called ‘A Separation’. Well I think the title itself already gives us some hints about what the story is about. Yes, it talks about what makes a couple decide to end their marriage.

Here is a brief synopsis about the movie that I take from www.IMBD.com

An Iranian couple has a tough decision to make: Simin wants the family to live abroad to better the chances in life for their only daughter, Termeh. Nader, however, insists on staying in Iran to take care of his father, who suffers from Alzheimer's disease. The argument leaves the couple but one choice: divorce. But the consequences may go far beyond anything they had ever expected... Written by Ali Davami
and this is the url if you interested to watch the movie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fo9QikM-Vh0

After I watched this movie for the first time, I was perplexed, confused, and angry. I felt like saying ‘It started from a very simple thing! How come the two of you (Simin-the wife- and Nader-the husband-) can not solve it together!”.  But after I watch the movie for the second time, I got a better understanding about what’s really going on between them. Well, it makes me think that most couples don’t really communicate with their partners. Or most of them try to communicate but they either do it in a wrong way or in a bad situation. And to make it even worse some times they are too proud to admit that they are wrong.  For example from the movie, when Simin insist to leave Iran so that their daughter can get a better life, she definitely has a good reason to do it. But at the same time, she is selfish and doesn’t try to understand her husband’s situation with his father, who suffers from Alzheimer. On the other hand, Nader is too stubborn and he assumes that Simin is only bluffing when she ask for a divorce.

Well, this kind of situation often takes place in real life. Sometimes we are too focused on what’s best for ourselves or our child, but we forget about what’s best for our partner. And one of the main reasons couples decide to get a divorce, because they think that their partner can’t understand them, they think that their partner is too selfish. They only remember about the bad memory that they have with their partner. Whereas, actually if they can communicate in a good way and in a good situation probably they will stay as a happy couple. Lose some of your pride and talk about the problem with a clear mind. Never expect your partner to understand you without even trying to tell them about what your problems are.  And also never use a divorce as an escape of every problem that you encounter with your partner. Think about your children, what you think is the best for your children probably will be a problem for your children. Try not to use children as a reason in couple’s arguments.

Once my cousin in law said to me that after you got married it’s not about the love that you maintain, your marriage is like a firm. She called it a ‘family firm’ which has a lot of divisions. The husband is responsible in providing money and the wife must be responsible for the household needs. And also when you’re married,  it’s not only the person who we love that is bounded to you but it is also her/his entire family. You should be sure that you will be able to handle it. Well marriage is not that easy and not all about the lovey dovey part anymore, it’s a whole new other chapter with you and your partner. So be ready and never forget to communicate with your partner. Remember it’s not about yourself anymore! 

 

18 September 2013