about your sexual orientation (Dionisius Ferdi Weros)

Let's start this article by saying that defining a person's sexual orientation is a not simple thing to do. Some people say that sexual orientation is all about with whom you regularly have sexual intercourse with. Although it makes sense, I don't feel it provide us a whole picture about a person's sexual orientation. Some clinicians do define sexual orientation in this way because they feel it's more objective. Sexual attraction is sometimes felt by some people to be equal to sexual orientation, but it's not totally correct either. Research shows that it is possible for human to feel same-sex and opposite-sex attraction from time to time, although it only last for few seconds. It might not be a very nice thing for person, that felt attraction to both, to be defined as a bisexual. There are so many things that need to be considered before identifying a person's sexual orientation. Human sexual orientation is so complicated that in my opinion almost no one could comprehend it wholesomely. The vignettes below could probably give you an idea why defining a person's sexual orientation is a not easy.

A heterosexual woman that feels sexual attraction towards woman from time to time. She felt guilty of this feeling because she felt that this feeling is against what her religion taught her.

A gay that have been happily married for few years, but once in a while he drove to the city's red light district. There, he enjoys casual sex with woman once in a while and his partner acknowledge it.

A lesbian that is currently single, but she really wanted to have a baby. So, she decided to have a sexual intercourse with a male friend that she has known for years in order to have a baby.

A man that is married to woman and have sexual intercourse exclusively with her. But, late at night, he usually masturbates by watching gay porn.

A female that decided to not marry because of a certain reason, but she enjoys watching heterosexual and homosexual porn from time to time.

A man that is married to a woman with three children. He secretly identify himself as a homosexual, but decided not to never come-out as a gay.

In my opinion, the best way to define a person's sexual orientation is by asking directly to them. Sexual orientation is just too complicated to be understood and the only one that can understand it is you yourself. People around you don't have right to identify your sexual orientation, you decide what you want to be. You can be like a heterosexual that enjoys same-sex intercourse from time to time. You also can identify yourself as a homosexual that is happily married with a member of your opposite-sex. You can live as a closeted homosexual for your whole life. You can identify yourself as a heterosexual and never marry for your whole life. All decisions about your own sexual orientation are okay, as long as you are happy and you're practicing safe-sex.

In the end, you are the one that is going through your own life with all its problems. Other people also have their own life problems that they must be deal with. It is a very weird thing when someone dictates the right way to live when they also have more important things to deal with than your life. So, you should never let them do that to your life. You need to feel happy of what you choose and not to be affected by other people's opinion. Remember, the most important thing in your life is your own happiness.

"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." - Dalai Lama XIV

6 Maret 2013