Sebelum saya masuk kepada inti pembicaraan artikel ini saya ingin
memperlihatkan suatu kasus yang terjadi pada seorang pria bernama Walter
Logan (nama samaran), ia seorang sexual addict.
“ During his second marriage, a man called Walter Logan had three or four affairs a year, every year, throughout the entire decade he and his wife were together. When the Vancouver lawyer wasn’t screwing around or indulging in pornography, he masturbated several times a day: at the office, on his lunch hour, or in the washrooms of his friends’ homes when he was out for dinner.”
“Looking back now, the 43-year-old says it didn’t even occur to him that he could be addicted to sex. He wasn’t hiring prostitutes or stopping in at massage parlours—behaviours that, in his mind, signalled a problem. Seeking out women to f*ck behind his wife’s back, on the other hand, was more the pursuit of a ‘sensual vacation’.”
“ Every time he slept with someone, though, Logan would end up consumed by shame. He says he hated himself but he couldn’t stop himself.”
“ I’d usually sleep with a person once, then would be so disgusted with myself that I would immediately cease all contact,” Logan says on his cellphone. “I’d drop them and vow never to do it again and would go back to my wife and try to be a better husband.”
“ Finally, after his wife found a link on his computer to a site aimed at married men wanting affairs, Logan’s double life started crumbling. She left; only when they were talking on the phone a few days later did he confess everything. Not only had he cheated on her, but he was also unfaithful in his first marriage. His second wife said to him: “It sounds like you have an addiction.” With those words, everything clicked.”
“Logan’s sex addiction nearly ruined him. Although he and his second wife tried counselling, their marriage ended earlier this year. His relationships with many friends and family members ceased or suffered. He is financially ruined. At his lowest point, he was suicidal.”
“I was standing on top of a cliff, wondering if I should jump,” Logan says. “And I almost did. I had hurt my family so much, and I didn’t understand why. I hurt my parents; I hurt my siblings” I felt as if I’d lost everything.”
Mungkin setelah Anda membaca kasus di atas Anda mulai mengerti kemana arah artikel ini. Saya ingin mencoba menghilangkan stereotipe yang dimiliki sebagian umum masyarakat tentang para sexual addicts, mungkin karena masyarakat Indonesia merupakan masyarakat yang terlalu mudah mengabaikan hal-hal yang bersifat tabu, atau mungkin “meyimpang”, tidak sejalur atau sepaham dengan apa yang mereka percayai tentang apa itu yang benar dan salah.
Kasus diatas hanya menyatakan akibat dan “konsekuensi” dari sang pengidap penyakit ini. Mengapa saya mengatakan “konsekuensi” ? karena menjadi seorang sex addict bukanlah pilihan, seperti layaknya menjadi gay ataupun lesbian. Tidak ada orang yang terlahir sebagai alcoholic, ataupun mengharapkan nicotine keluar dari puting ibunya saat menyusui. Semua itu berasal dari kebiasaan seseorang yang merupakan suatu pilihan atau jalan yang mereka ambil yang oleh orang Indonesia is simply called “pergaulan bebas”. Namun pada sex addiction, sering sekali pengidap memiliki masa kecil yang kelam dan traumatis seperti yang saya kutip dari allpsych.com :
“ The beginnings of sexual addiction are usually rooted up in adolescence or childhood. It is found that 60% of sexual addicts were abused by someone in their childhood (Book, 1997,pp 52). The child may have grown up in a hostile, chaotic or neglectful home, or the family may have been very normal but the child grows up emotionally starved for love because affection is rarely expressed. Gradually sex becomes a replacement act to turn to in times of any kind of need, from escaping boredom, to feeling anxious, to being able to sleep at night. The child may repeatedly turn to masturbation for escape. Masturbation can be a normal and natural part of childhood. In other cases, the child maybe introduced to sex in inappropriate ways. Instead of the normal sexual experimentation that often takes place out of curiosity between similar aged children at some point growing up, some are brought to it by some adult who uses them instead of another adult for their own sexual pleasure. It may even be another child who is five or more years older where the sexual experience doesn’t feel mutual. In these experiences, there often is a combination of natural curiosity, newfound pleasurable feelings and even the feelings of fear or shame (Carnes, 1991 pp 31-40).”
Menurut penelitian di atas sebanyak 60% dari sexual addiction disebabkan atau setidaknya dipengaruhi oleh pengalaman di masa kecil, dan memang hal ini yang saya ingin tekankan dalam artikel ini. 60% adalah persentase yang besar bagi kaum yang digambarkan sebagai orang-orang tidak bermoral, sebagai orang-orang yang mengabaikan segala aturan agama dan mungkin sedikit klise tapi “tidak mengerti arti cinta”. Jadi yang saya harapkan dari Anda yang telah membaca artikel ini hingga bagian ini mulai bisa menghargai dan mulai membantu mereka yang memiliki gangguan seperti di atas , terkadang hanya butuh usaha yang sederhana seperti mengatakan pada mereka bahwa mereka memang memiliki kelainan, dan jika mereka tidak merasakan kerugiannya sekarang maka pada suatu titik kehidupan mereka nanti mereka akan memahami apa yang anda maksud, tetapi sekali lagi kita harus melakukan apa yang kita bisa.
Daftar Pustaka:
http://sexuality.about.com/od/sexualscience/a/sex_addiction.htm
http://allpsych.com/journal/sexaddiction.html
“ During his second marriage, a man called Walter Logan had three or four affairs a year, every year, throughout the entire decade he and his wife were together. When the Vancouver lawyer wasn’t screwing around or indulging in pornography, he masturbated several times a day: at the office, on his lunch hour, or in the washrooms of his friends’ homes when he was out for dinner.”
“Looking back now, the 43-year-old says it didn’t even occur to him that he could be addicted to sex. He wasn’t hiring prostitutes or stopping in at massage parlours—behaviours that, in his mind, signalled a problem. Seeking out women to f*ck behind his wife’s back, on the other hand, was more the pursuit of a ‘sensual vacation’.”
“ Every time he slept with someone, though, Logan would end up consumed by shame. He says he hated himself but he couldn’t stop himself.”
“ I’d usually sleep with a person once, then would be so disgusted with myself that I would immediately cease all contact,” Logan says on his cellphone. “I’d drop them and vow never to do it again and would go back to my wife and try to be a better husband.”
“ Finally, after his wife found a link on his computer to a site aimed at married men wanting affairs, Logan’s double life started crumbling. She left; only when they were talking on the phone a few days later did he confess everything. Not only had he cheated on her, but he was also unfaithful in his first marriage. His second wife said to him: “It sounds like you have an addiction.” With those words, everything clicked.”
“Logan’s sex addiction nearly ruined him. Although he and his second wife tried counselling, their marriage ended earlier this year. His relationships with many friends and family members ceased or suffered. He is financially ruined. At his lowest point, he was suicidal.”
“I was standing on top of a cliff, wondering if I should jump,” Logan says. “And I almost did. I had hurt my family so much, and I didn’t understand why. I hurt my parents; I hurt my siblings” I felt as if I’d lost everything.”
Mungkin setelah Anda membaca kasus di atas Anda mulai mengerti kemana arah artikel ini. Saya ingin mencoba menghilangkan stereotipe yang dimiliki sebagian umum masyarakat tentang para sexual addicts, mungkin karena masyarakat Indonesia merupakan masyarakat yang terlalu mudah mengabaikan hal-hal yang bersifat tabu, atau mungkin “meyimpang”, tidak sejalur atau sepaham dengan apa yang mereka percayai tentang apa itu yang benar dan salah.
Kasus diatas hanya menyatakan akibat dan “konsekuensi” dari sang pengidap penyakit ini. Mengapa saya mengatakan “konsekuensi” ? karena menjadi seorang sex addict bukanlah pilihan, seperti layaknya menjadi gay ataupun lesbian. Tidak ada orang yang terlahir sebagai alcoholic, ataupun mengharapkan nicotine keluar dari puting ibunya saat menyusui. Semua itu berasal dari kebiasaan seseorang yang merupakan suatu pilihan atau jalan yang mereka ambil yang oleh orang Indonesia is simply called “pergaulan bebas”. Namun pada sex addiction, sering sekali pengidap memiliki masa kecil yang kelam dan traumatis seperti yang saya kutip dari allpsych.com :
“ The beginnings of sexual addiction are usually rooted up in adolescence or childhood. It is found that 60% of sexual addicts were abused by someone in their childhood (Book, 1997,pp 52). The child may have grown up in a hostile, chaotic or neglectful home, or the family may have been very normal but the child grows up emotionally starved for love because affection is rarely expressed. Gradually sex becomes a replacement act to turn to in times of any kind of need, from escaping boredom, to feeling anxious, to being able to sleep at night. The child may repeatedly turn to masturbation for escape. Masturbation can be a normal and natural part of childhood. In other cases, the child maybe introduced to sex in inappropriate ways. Instead of the normal sexual experimentation that often takes place out of curiosity between similar aged children at some point growing up, some are brought to it by some adult who uses them instead of another adult for their own sexual pleasure. It may even be another child who is five or more years older where the sexual experience doesn’t feel mutual. In these experiences, there often is a combination of natural curiosity, newfound pleasurable feelings and even the feelings of fear or shame (Carnes, 1991 pp 31-40).”
Menurut penelitian di atas sebanyak 60% dari sexual addiction disebabkan atau setidaknya dipengaruhi oleh pengalaman di masa kecil, dan memang hal ini yang saya ingin tekankan dalam artikel ini. 60% adalah persentase yang besar bagi kaum yang digambarkan sebagai orang-orang tidak bermoral, sebagai orang-orang yang mengabaikan segala aturan agama dan mungkin sedikit klise tapi “tidak mengerti arti cinta”. Jadi yang saya harapkan dari Anda yang telah membaca artikel ini hingga bagian ini mulai bisa menghargai dan mulai membantu mereka yang memiliki gangguan seperti di atas , terkadang hanya butuh usaha yang sederhana seperti mengatakan pada mereka bahwa mereka memang memiliki kelainan, dan jika mereka tidak merasakan kerugiannya sekarang maka pada suatu titik kehidupan mereka nanti mereka akan memahami apa yang anda maksud, tetapi sekali lagi kita harus melakukan apa yang kita bisa.
Daftar Pustaka:
http://sexuality.about.com/od/sexualscience/a/sex_addiction.htm
http://allpsych.com/journal/sexaddiction.html
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