We Love Because We Think We Love (?) (Mutiara Sartika)

Some says, love is quite the same as affection, it can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment, also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards humans, one’s self, or animals. I won’t mind if you have another version of sense of this term, because usually we interpret something out of our own feelings related to it. Even a long time before, when the Russian and British empires just got Napoleon and his allies retreated, people had already had a belief that love existed and came from the heart, that romantic love was the most desirable form of loving relations. It was quite something, wasn’t it? Then, you know the six basic types of lover—eros the romantic lover; ludus the game-playing lover; storge the quiet, calm lover; mania the crazy lover; pragma the practical lover; and agape the selfless lover—proposed by John Alan Lee.

However, as the time changes, the era keep developing, people are starting to believe that love can occur from one’s thoughts. From which, came a statement “we love because we think we love”. I’m totally not some sort of love experts (even though—after a quick word to myself—I kinda agree with the statement), so let’s pack it up and see.

Professor Arthur Aron from State University of New York stated, “Usually, we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us, but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us.” So, we actually don’t fall in love with someone who isn’t, which means, that person must have something you think is worthy to get, also make you feel you are worthy to get. “Novelty and excitement all drive up the activity of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain. These neurotransmitters are associated with energy, elation, focused attention, and motivation—central traits of romantic love. So as you do novel things, these chemicals hop into action and may just push you over the threshold to fall in love.” said Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, who is also the author of such books as ‘Why We Love’. This kinda sums it up; we have to do or be something to make that person think that he / she loves us. That’s why the behavioral reinforcement theories suggest that we love because the other person reinforces positives feelings in ourselves.

Then, a good communication skill is an essential part of intensifying the love we have (and also a pretty good stuff to have though; Obama wouldn’t have had such authority and power if he couldn’t communicate well).

For me, a well-spoken man is a man who pays attention and understands what his company means to say. If you’re only good at phrasing your thoughts, then you have no good communication skill (just a prior to this, I’m not talking about how you do the presentations at work or class, for god’s sake -.-”). Learn how to do dialogs, not two-way monologues, because good lovers are sensitive to their partners’ needs and desires, also communicate their own desires. After communicating in a good way, you will find out what you both want from one another, right? Love is as “simple” as that.

In a nutshell, you must know what to do to make him think he loves you and learn how to communicate well.

15 February 2014