Love, Communication, Valentine’s Day. Questions without Perfect Answers (Chlain Liunardy)

Love. One of the universe’s greatest mysteries. Just like it’s flagship day, Valentine’s Day. It’s kinda unique, if you ask me. 

Perhaps this quote is sounds super weird if you try relate it to love. But, if you think about it, it speaks the mysteries about love in it’s own way.

“You know who I am. You don’t know where I am. You will never see me coming”

And before you asked, it’s this guy who spoke it. Totally unrelated to love movie. Great actor, though.

Indeed, like Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) said, we all know about it. But we don’t know where will we find it, or when it’s coming to us. Search for it, and it will never come to you. Don’t expect it, and it will come in the most heart-melting way. Sounds poetic and philosophical, but that is kinda the best description of love.

So what is love, actually?

First, we begin with talking about……why people even attracted to love anyway? Perhaps, behind it’s own mysteries, lies the charm about love itself. Back then, love is a mystery since it’s a totally unknown feeling unless they experienced it firsthand. People’s opinion of love itself also rigid back then, as they expected to love last, marriage first. Take a look back in the medieval age, when marriage is more of “kings and queens decision to broaden their territories” rather than “the love story of prince and princess”, although not all love stories back then follow that logic. Slowly, people want to experience love first, then move forward to marriage. Perhaps the most tragic and well-known love story written by William Shakespeare is one of the sign. And don’t forget many child stories made by Disney about princess. Yeah.

Anyway, moving forward, people tried to look love in a more, scientific way. Sounds silly back then, but right now it doesn’t sound too stupid at all. —John Alan Lee once suggests that there are six basic types of love: eros(romantic lover), ludus (game-playing lover), storge (quiet, calm lover), mania (crazy lover), pragma (practical lover), and of course agape (selfless lover). There’s also this guy, Robert Stenberg, that suggests that love is made up of three elements: passion, intimacy, and  decision/commitment.

There are also theories about how we fall in love. One said that we love someone because they give us nice fuzzy good feelings. There’s another one said that we love someone because we think we’re falling in love with someone. And a more modern aspect said that we fall in love with someone because of their pheromones. Perhaps in a sense, in one way or another, this gave inspiration for the infamous Perfume novel (or if you’re more familiar with it, Das Parfum) written by Patrick Süskind. If you’re not a fan of reading stuff, try the movie instead.

Warning: reactions may vary. And don’t try anything depicted in this movie, especially if you have the same gift as the protagonist.

And we now reach to this point.

Is this all about love? Myself, I’d say not yet. Maybe all of the theories makes sense, but in real life, everything not as the same as theory. Love is nothing like fairy tales. Or like that movie, The Notebook. Ugh. Not that the movie is bad, it did won many awards. It’s just not making sense in my mind, at all. Especially if you try to apply that in real life.

Love usually fails because they don’t communicate well, which brings to many problems over probably a simple thing. Also, remember the metaphor?

‘Men are from Mars, women are from Venus’

Perhaps this is quite true. Looking at our own way of talking, we could see the differences. When we’re dating; men just, in a sense, tell their partner what he’s been doing. While on the other hand, women need details and more thorough, which bring majority of men to annoyance. Communication is important in relationship, just like in any other aspects of life. So try to speak other languages for a change. Men, try to speak women’s language. Women, also try to speak man’s language. When you can do that, I believe your love life will be magical. There’s a book if you want to learn to speak your partner’s language. Try searching it in bookstores.

Back to our talk, men (and women) kinda hate when their personal space is disturbed. Men loves to socialize with their friends in many forms. Sports, games, cars, motorcycles, any of those. We can’t deny, in this age, women can do almost all of men can do. The same thing applies to men. Househusband anyone? And that brings us to another reason why sometimes relationship won’t lasts forever. because their partner didn’t show any jealousy at all. Having some of jealousy is needed, because it will show that at least, you consider your relationship important for you. But beware of it’s possible negative application of jealousy to manipulate your partner. Just like Uncle Ben’s said:

“Within great power, lies great responsibility”

Not related, but applicable, at least.

Probably one of the most common misuse is like this picture a.k.a. possessive When your partner sends you text, as often as this, you’re in trouble. Also,  you’re better dump him/her ASAP.

Which bring us to the Valentine’s Day. Probably the most overrated celebration in the world, in my personal opinion. A day of love, with many origin. Every year, I just watch people going busy someday before February 14th. Busy with chocolates and flowers. Perhaps because I’m not having someone in mind (though that could change). Still watching all of that brings me to my burning question about this day.

Is February 14th the only day you show your love to your loved one?

When you love someone, you should show your affection toward him/her everyday. Not only every February 14th. If you did that, well (personal opinion), you have a very, very sad love life.

Lastly, is the question of ‘what is love?’ answered? Myself, the question are, more or less, solved. But is it satisfactory? Not yet. Maybe, just maybe, perhaps the questions are better left unsolved. Perhaps love is something you better experience it yourself. Irrational it may seems, Love is best explained when you don’t look for it and feeling it yourself.

I’ll leave this (slightly modified) quotes of Mandarin as the closing.

“You know what love is. You don’t know where is love. You will never see love coming”

16 Feb 2014