losing desire (Dionisius Ferdi Weros)

Losing sexual desire is something that might frighten married couples, especially if it occur in early marriage stage. In most case, it's woman that loses her sexual desire. It is not a very surprising thing because woman's sexual desire is much more complex then man. The importance of psychological factor makes building up woman's sexual desire much more difficult. Romantic situation is very important for building up woman's sexual desire. Minimum stress and positive emotion also give a lot of contribution towards woman's sexual desire. A positive communication between husband and wife is also important.

Low testosterone may explain why women have harder time building up their sexual desire. It is said that testosterone is a powerful hormone that has something to do with sexual desire. The reason why women need more time building up their sexual desire is maybe because women have lower testosterone. That is why probably psychological factor becomes more important for women. This phenomenon could maybe be explained through evolutionary psychology. Risk of pregnancy makes women more careful in choosing the men they have sex with. So, this is why woman needs man that truly love them and is willing to show their effort to the woman, for example in fulfilling psychological needs.

Few months ago, I read an article that criticize the diagnosis criteria of hypoactive sexual desire disorder. In the article, it is said that women suffer from that diagnosis criteria. The diagnosis criteria pathologize women's lost of sexual desire.  Actually, if we look in a different perspective, then in most case the problem actually comes from the husbands. Husbands low effort in building up their sexual desire is actually the main problem. The husbands never realize the importance of fulfilling their wives' psychological needs in order for them to build up sexual desire.

Sexual intercourse before building up sexual desire is a very uncomfortable thing. Imagine if you have a work to do, but the problem is you don't enjoy it at all and you need to do it over and over again. The same happen towards wives. They are forced to have sex before building enough sexual desire and this happen over and over again. It is not surprising that this will discourage women to have sex in the future. This is probably why women are losing sexual desire.

So, before visiting the doctor or psychologist or therapist because of your wives' absence of sexual desire, it would be a better idea for husbands to first check themselves. Are there any effort to fulfill their wives' psychological needs before sexual intercourse? If not then start giving them or if it's not enough try more variations. Like I said before great sex needs great love. Great love needs intimacy, passion and commitment. So, husbands start giving love to your wives if you don't want them to hate sex. In both love and sex, partners need to give a lot of effort.

31 Maret 2013